


Fake Happy

by iridescent_blue



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a sad ending, Gen, Hunk is the best friend, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Langst, Sad Lance (Voltron), THATS OKAY BUT THESE ARE MY FEELINGS PROJECTED ONTO LANCE SO THAT I CAN LET THEM OUT, THEY ARE MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES WITH THOSE, THIS IS ANGSTY AND SAD AND LANCE HAS DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY, THIS IS DEPRESSING, YOURS MIGHT BE DIFFERENT, basically me, fuck im sad, hella langst, keith is also a good friend, not a boyfriend (though he could be idc), oKAY SO LISTEN UP, okay i'm done, unless you don't read the tags for some fuckin reason, vent fic, very sad, yeah now i'm really done, you were warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 20:25:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13395585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iridescent_blue/pseuds/iridescent_blue
Summary: Hello. Lance has depression.Fake Happy (by Paramore) is about hiding negative feelings and depressive thoughts.I had to.This has a really vague sad ending. You've been warned.





	Fake Happy

**Author's Note:**

> hi so this fic is really venty (as most of my songfics are), and this fic really heavily talks about depression and anxiety. I would like to say that I don't suffer from those, but that isn't true. I have anxiety and very depressive episodes. This fic illustrates my emotions and feelings, and I needed to have an outlet. 
> 
> Anyway, Fake Happy is a great song that I highly recommend you listen to while reading this.
> 
> (I actually didn't edit this. There were some minor changes but this is literally just me venting)

_ I love making you believe _

_ What you get is what you see _

_ But I’m so fake happy _

_ I feel so fake happy _

 

Lance is good at hiding feelings. He’s the goofball with a great family, a great home, amazing friends, and a huge adventure ahead of him.

 

He has no reason to be sad, right? He hasn’t suffered enough. Shiro lost an arm, Keith lost his parents, and Pidge lost their brother. They have a right to be sad.

 

But they’re not.

 

_ And I bet everybody here _

_ Is just as insincere _

_ We’re all so fake happy _

_ And I know fake happy _

 

What if they were? Shiro has PTSD, but that’s completely excusable. Keith has trust issues, and Pidge is dealing with grief. Would any of them actually have depression, though?

 

Maybe.

 

But he would be able to tell.

 

He’s always been able to.

 

He was the one to walk with friends from middle school and listen to them talk about everything inside them. He had seen the worst days, and the best. No one else noticed.

 

But he did.

 

And Lance knew, at that moment, millions of miles from Earth, that he was alone.

 

_ So I been doing a good job of making them think _

_ I’m quite alright _

_ But I hope I don’t blink _

_ You see it’s easy when I’m stomping on a beat _

_ But no one sees me when I crawl back underneath _

 

It was easy to keep up the happy persona when he was with the team. They all thought he was fine. That was good. He wanted it that way. He could joke and laugh and have fun, and in the moment he would feel okay.

 

It was different when he was alone. Those thoughts consumed him. He could spend hours staring at nothing, thinking about his mistakes until someone called for him. They always did. He would walk out of his room, holding his breath and tears in because it was always a training session or another mission, and nobody called for him purely for company. 

 

Hunk knew what was going on. He was the only one. Lance would force himself out of bed and drag himself to the door, hair a mess and eyes puffy from crying, and would hear Hunk whistling as he walked away, a fresh plate of food and a kind note waiting outside his door.

 

Lance cried every time. Not from sorrow, but from gratitude. 

 

_ If I smile with my teeth _

_ Bet you’d believe me _

_ If I smile with my teeth _

_ I think I’d believe me _

 

His smile was infectious. Hell, it even got Keith to smile. Lance had read studies that if you smile enough, you’ll be happy.

 

That was complete and utter bullshit.

 

Lance only believed that smiling made him feel better when the team smiled at him. He felt like he had worth, for once, and for an infinitesimal blip in the time of the universe, Lance McClain was okay.

 

_ Oh please, don’t ask me how I’ve been _

_ Don’t make me play pretend _

_ Oh no, oh what’s the use _

_ Oh please, I bet everybody here is fake happy too _

 

Ah yes. The dreaded question. ‘How are you?’ Lance always wanted to say that he had never felt so alone, but he always said that he was fine or great or whatever bullshit he could think up. 

 

There was no point in pretending to be okay. 

 

It was completely asinine that when you were talking to someone, you couldn’t be honest about how your day was going.

 

So, when Lance was feeling at the lowest of the low, he agreed to go with the rest of the paladins to a planet, just for a night out.

 

_ If I go out tonight, dress up my fears _

_ You think I look alright with these mascara tears? _

_ So I’m gonna draw my lipstick wider than my mouth _

_ And if the lights are low they’ll never see me frown _

 

Going out was a huge fucking mistake. On top of the fact that Lance wasn’t feeling up to going out anyway, the big crowds and loud music were so overstimulating, and Lance ended up in a corner, curled up with his hands over his ears, silently sobbing.

 

_ If I smile with my teeth _

_ Bet you’d believe me _

_ If I smile with my teeth _

_ I think I’d believe me _

 

That smiling thing was bullshit. The team was nowhere. They were probably having the time of their life, forgetting about Lance.

 

He couldn’t care less.

 

Well, that’s what he tried to think.

 

He cared more than he thought he could.

 

_ Oh please don’t ask me how I’ve been _

_ Don’t make me play pretend _

_ Oh no, oh what’s the use _

_ Oh please, I bet everybody here is fake happy too _

 

The team did find him, curled up, nose running, tears staining his face. Hunk picked him up and carried him all the way to the ship, telling him that everything was going to be okay. 

 

On the ship, they sat in the lounge in silence, Lance curled up on the couch while Hunk rubbed his back and Keith idly ran his hands through his hair, Lance shaking and becoming a stream of words and tears and at the end of it all, the entire team was crying. Not out of pity, but out of love for Lance and the promise that they would always be here.

 

_ I know I said that I was doing good and that I’m happy now _

_ I should’ve known when things were going good _

_ That’s when I’d get knocked down _

 

They kept their promise. 

 

Lance couldn’t.

 

_ Oh please, just don’t ask me how I’ve been _

 

The mission was risky anyway.

 

_ Don’t make me play pretend _

 

They detected Pidge’s tracking device.

 

_ Oh no, oh what’s the use? _

 

There were too many galra.

 

Keith was about to take a hit from behind.

 

_ Oh please, I bet everybody here is fake happy too _

 

The cryopod might not save him, but he had sworn to himself to protect them.

 

_ Oh please, _

_ I bet everybody here is fake happy too. _

**Author's Note:**

> Hey if you're depressed or have anxiety or any mental illness at all, you're not alone. Trust me.
> 
> There's an amazing app (for IOS only, I think) called Calm Harm and helps with self-harm and can keep you from doing it. I would highly recommend it.
> 
> <3  
> -blue
> 
> ALSO: you ALWAYS have a right to be sad. Don't be like Lance. Your pain is always valid and just because someone 'has it worse' doesn't make you less deserving of treatment.


End file.
